the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
