Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
