you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
this beer tastes like vomit already
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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