I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
