Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
whose parrot is this?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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