I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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