Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
