so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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