Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
