When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
