I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
soo... how was my night?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
