Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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