So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
