I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
