My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
