I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
please don't ironically join a cult
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