Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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