There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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