well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
