Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
