this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
