there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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