i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I know her cup size but not her name....
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
