This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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