just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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