my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
