Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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