Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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