he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
