There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
