omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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