Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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