Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Holy sore nipples Batman
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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