I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
