You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
