I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
