i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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