I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
