Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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