Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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