he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
