You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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