do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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