my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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