and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
These tits shall not be calmed
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
