I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I love you.
Bad choice
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