shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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