im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
soo... how was my night?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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