I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
