I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
