He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
