We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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