we're chasing vodka with high fives
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
