i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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