I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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