Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
