Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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