and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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