I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
3pm strippers are depressing
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
