2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
