i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
